Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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