Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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