So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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