Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
