shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
