I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
