It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
