She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
