the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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