I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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