How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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