You just made me feel so damn special
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
