Can Purell be used as lube?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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