Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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