I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
one two three fourrrrnication!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
