A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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