I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
