he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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