I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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