You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
