I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
