he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
