sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
