Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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