My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
