I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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