if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
