I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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