Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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