i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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