What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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