So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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