i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
