If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
