I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
