how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
