yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
