drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
