I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
