paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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