I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
