I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
