Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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