How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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