is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
