You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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