The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
