He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you never un-have a 4some
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
