party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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