I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
