Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
