I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
