Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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